Budget Basics, Basic Instincts and Shobha De

What has Budget to do with sex?

Better ask Shobha De. The soft porn queen of India who cannot ever see beyond sex, copulation and erectile dysfunction. How disgusting to read her latests column in the Sunday Times (Feb 22), and still more deplorable to see the Times of India actually publishing it. Isn’t it a reflection of the moral cesspool that we as a nation have plunged into, where everything has to be viewed through the bedroom window.

Sample this: The Interim Budget was a lot like coitus interruptus — it started off on a high note, promised a lot, tickled and tantalised the imagination… before going phut. It had little to do with size (though size does matter), and much more with performance. The country’s financial libido is flagging (and how!), so what was desperately needed was an aphrodisiac called money. It is the only stimulant that can do the trick, provided the partners are in sync.

Read on: Big problem — how will the union between a frustrated, demanding partner (the public) and the man on top (finance minister) be consummated? Via artificial insemination, say the experts. Everything counts — stamina, staying power, the desire to succeed, culminating in a climax that offers a big bang for every buck.

And if you think, Shobha De is finished with her lurid imagination, hold your breath. This is how she concludes: As climaxes go, this one didn’t make it. There was no foreplay to speak of. And the after-play was restricted to a few grumpy snorts. In true desi tradition, women, the perennial passive partners in a liaison, were left out in the cold — panting for sops. None seem to be forthcoming. So, what’s the message here? Lie back and enjoy it? Not a chance. This UPA menage a trois has disappointed us all. Let’s get back to the old missionary position, and keep our fingers crossed.

If you still feel like reading the entire piece, click on http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Columnists/Shobha-De-Budget-hardly-uplifting/articleshow/4167037.cms

Sickening, isn’t it?

The tragedy is that we as a nation accept this kind of rubbish thrown at us day in and day out. Everyday we wake up to what Shobha De calls as: Voyeurs, who get their cheap thrills ogling at the shapely legs in Page 3. This orgy, must be kept at bay, especially at this critical juncture. I am picking up the previous line from her latest writing only, but placing it in a different context. For her, money is viagra. That is why she champions for the cause of the elite and big business, and in the language they easily understand.

Money may be viagra for the bourses, but for the poor it is the lifeline. People like Shobha De live in their own make-believe world, thriving on the corporate largesse, and therefore use their dirty pen to seek more alms from the State exchequer for their partners. I wonder whether Shobha De would ever acknowledge that there are more pressing needs for the country than to improve corporate balance sheets. And I don’t care, if the corporate world remains dissatisfied after a prolonged session, even if it goes phut after starting off on a high note.

The corporate world can surely live on artificial insemination.

But it is the poor, and India has the dubious distinction of having 834 million people who cannot spend more than Rs 20 a day. This is more than the population of poor anywhere in the world. We are worst than even Sub-Saharan Africa. We rank 66th in the Global Hunger Index. Shobha De can keep her eyes wide shut to this damming reality. But it is these hungry and the marginalised, who go to bed hungry everynight, hoping that the Gods would be kind to them the next morning, who need to be rescused by the annual Budgets. If only we had attempted to do so in right ernest through the annual Budgets presented for 60 years now, the face of India would have been different. A happy nation, and a well fed nation is what actually constitutes a vibrant economy.

Hiding the real face of India behind the imaginary growth figures is like faking an orgasm.

Come on, wake up India. You don’t need the cheep thrills of such voyeuristic writings. You need to react each time the old bed creaks. Don’t let yourself be titillated anymore by a B-grade film, or by soft porn. You have had enough. And it has only turned you into a pervert, turned your healthy mind sick. Come out of this sickness, which is morally degrading than the worst depression you can ever encounter.

It has to begin with inner transformation. Money may be a viagra for the bourses, but heavens are not going to fall if the bourses go without viagra. We need to provide money in the hands of the millions who cannot manage two square meals a day. It has to begin with certain short term and many long term measures that can lead to sustainable livelihoods. It has to be environmentally sustainable, and should not suck any more on the precarious natural resources. We cannot leave behind a world for our children which is not good enough to live and survive. We must make sincere corrections in our approach, and we can do it.

This can happen only if we come out of our obsession with growth economics. It helps widening the disparity still further. This in reality is violent economics. The sooner we realise this, the better it will be for the world.

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